seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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