Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
