i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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