In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
