just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
