I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize