worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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