Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
