"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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