I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
