if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
