She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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