textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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