So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just pee around me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
