Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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