Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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