Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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