Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
