i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
