$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
