I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
