i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
