Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
