ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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