He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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