Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
