his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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