i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
