That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
