I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
