margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my sisters under your porch take her home
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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