What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize