HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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