even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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