Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
