Sponge bath it is.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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