Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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