is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
