Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
