I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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