Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
