I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
