Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
