When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
