"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
