Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
