so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm really busy with my period
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