Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I stole a fireplace last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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