even my farts smell like vagina
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
