I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
