Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
