Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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