He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
