I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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