If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
