at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize