Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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