I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
