3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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