so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
