My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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