I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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