dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
