just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
