...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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