Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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