I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just tell him i said nine months
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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