The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
