I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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