I wish my penis had an off switch
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
