I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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