im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
