I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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