Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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