i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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