i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
