rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
