Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize