So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
