so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
