He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
