I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
