Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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