Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
