i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
