That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
