i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
