I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
