did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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