So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
