i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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