i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
