the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
