She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Man, jail baloney is awful.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
