I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
