Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no. you can't hotbox the world.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
