im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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