You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize