Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
