ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
