I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Girls should come with a carfax report
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
