UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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