she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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