So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
