"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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