Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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