Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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