and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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