I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
