she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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