She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
