u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
