Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize